An eco-friendly do-it-yourself portable bidet that ticks all the boxes. 

I go tramping with a friend who does not use loo paper but instead has an intriguing ‘squirty bottle’. I’ve scoffed at it several times. 

Recently, after an unplanned pack float that resulted in sodden toilet paper, I had to swallow my pride and borrow the much-maligned bottle, which, for want of a better word, is a portable bidet.

I am now converted to a toilet paper-free experience, and after some practise I can confirm the following:

• You only need 150–200ml of water.
• It cleans you thoroughly.
• Your hands stay clean.

Environmentally sound

Many trampers will have seen unattractive piles of decomposing paper in the bush and at scenic beauty spots like Earnslaw Burn. Using the ‘bottle’ means one less thing to buy, no mess and a clean butt. If you also carry a lightweight trowel, you really can ‘leave no trace’ wherever you go.

Drying 

Only a small amount of water is used – much less than a mid-tramp skinny dip – and it’s a simple matter of drip drying and pulling up your pants. Women may want to use their pee-rag to mop up moisture.

Use it everywhere

The portable bidet can be used in any loo, including a long drop, and anywhere outside. You may like it so much you adopt it for your home bathroom. Water may be scarce when tramping, so you may need to think ahead and fill the bottle prior to needing it. Unlike drinking water, bidet water does not need to be treated or boiled.

DIY

You can improvise your own portable bidet. A small water bottle or old sauce bottle is a good start. It’s worth attaching at least a basic angled nozzle for the ease this brings to proceedings. It’s also possible to find purpose-made bidets – do an internet search for ‘portable bidet’.